Time feels different when you're chasing a dream.
When I graduated in 2002, I worked hard to build a repertoire of songs, which I took on the road for a few years. There have been moments, when I lived in Cornwall, when the finish line felt close, like when I was spotted by James Morrison's manager, when the engineer who had worked with Tori Amos wanted to record an album with me, when I signed publishing deals I believed would raise my career to the next level. For one reason or another, though, these opportunities didn't become the turning point I had imagined.
When I moved to Dorset i carried on gigging. I stopped in 2011 to focus on songwriting, though without the same sense of possibility. With no money to move to London and few opportunities where I was living, my music career dream began to feel distant. Then, in 2021, something unexpected happened.
The pandemic transformed the way people connected. Suddenly, I could collaborate with artists around the world from my home in Devon, attend industry events online, and learn from professionals I would never previously have had access to. Funding gave me the chance to record professionally, and it felt as though life had given me a second chance to make my dream a reality.
My music career began to gain momentum again and, because I couldn't waste such opportunity to make it happen, I have been working relentlessly ever since.
But chasing a dream has a cost. Hobbies like walking in the woods, taking landscape photographs and meditating slowly became harder to allow myself because my mind was always racing towards the next task, the next opportunity, the next step. "I'll slow down when..." became a promise I kept making to myself, but never seemed able to keep.
I wonder how many of us quietly do the same. We tell ourselves that once we get the promotion, buy the house, publish the book, sign the deal or cross the finish line, we will finally have earned permission to pause. Until then, we're borrowing our own lives rather than fully living them.
Except... this is our life. Not the rehearsal. Not the waiting room. The actual thing.
My personal reality is that time is running faster than my dream! So my greatest challenge is finding the balance between striving to achieve what I hope for, and understanding that permission to play is not something I have to earn if I want to live a fulfilling life.
I have a feeling I'm not the only one still trying to find that balance…
Podcast
Podcast
The Consu Narrative is inspired by and expands upon the themes explored in Consu's blog. Although not narrated by her, the conversations are rooted in her stories, reflections, and creative vision. Through warm and thought-provoking discussions, two hosts explore the stories behind the music and the life experiences that make us human, delving into meaning, purpose, challenges, and the ongoing journey of self-discovery.